A New Experience

My dear friend Bobby Gregory died of a massive heart attack on Monday.  He was like a Grandfather to me.  I can only imagine how his real grandchildren feel.  I have never had anyone that I was really close to die.  Maybe close in the blood line, but I was not attached to them.  I was attached to Bobby.  I have never known what it feels like to MISS someone when they die. It hurts so bad.  I just think about all the conversations we have had in the past 6 months I have known him and it scares me to think about time healing wounds.  I don't ever want to forget the time I have spent with this man.  I wish I could call his cell phone and talk to him one more time so I could tell him I loved him and that he was not just another person on my 50+ mailing list at work.  He was my friend, outside of work.  I feel like I should not miss him this much because I don't feel like people will understand.  They say, "It is just hard to have a job like yours."  That isn't it,  Bobby was different than anyone else on my mailing list. He called me outside of work to tell me about his day and what he was doing, and I wanted to know.  I told him everything going on with me.  I would give anything to be able to hug him one more time and tell him how much he means to me. My heart is really hurting.  It honestly makes me mad to think I cant talk to him in person right now.  I just dont understand why someone so healthy was taken away so suddenly.  It seems unfair.  I am selfish, I know he is in Heaven with God and his wife that passed 14 months ahead of him, but I want him here!  I know he would never come back, but I just want to tell him how much I love him. I prayed and asked God tonight to please tell Bobby how much I love and miss him.  I dont know if God will do that, but I hope He does.  I think about the last time I saw him.  Literally a week ago!  I had to leave early to go to a meeting.  I hugged him and told him I had to go, and he understood.  I just hope he knew that he was not just another person I "served" at my job.  We talked about him coming to my wedding someday and I cant stand to think it wont happen.  Since I can equate everything to a song, here goes.  I think about the song Mandisa sings "God Speaking"  I have lost a loved one who I feel should still be here.  I know God is speaking, but it so painful right now I can't make out what he is saying to me.